Though it may grow harder for people to remember when, but they don’t forget the whys behind the simplest of emotions inscribed onto them. The stronger these reasons are, the longer those emotions stay with you. Some stay long enough to become beliefs, while others remain as memories, innocuous and distant to be called upon just in time, right before the mouth coughs out “I knew it!”
Nolan wasn’t any different, but for one too many reasons he remembered this day, the lesson, and also the reason behind it. He had never been too big on looking back. He wanted to carry this day with him, so it could hold him slow every time he would wish to run away. Past not left behind isn’t past anymore. It becomes a part of you. He wanted this day to be a part of him.
He ran up the cliff, he would not normally like to step a foot on. He ran up that cliff in less than half the time it would normally take him. The top of the cliff was a flat area of probably a couple of square meters, but he needed to stand taller than anything around him, taller than anyone around him. He found a grey brick, with its corners chipped off so assertively that it could hardly be called a brick anymore. He placed it close to the centre, and stood there for a few minutes.
He just stood there, not saying anything, not listening to anyone, just looking down on everything around him. Right then he owned the world. The world was his, and he was the king. He had remembered the words rightly, just how they were spoken. He played them in his mind and then repeated them, “Proud to have what I have, prouder to be living without that I don’t.”
Casper Jones, Nolan’s father had imparted a twisted wisdom down the blood line. A legacy was to follow from this half-truth. Evolution never did anyone any harm, but then changes of extreme measures couldn’t do any good either. Nolan had travelled a journey of days, months, probably years within minutes. This was one of those feelings that stay with you till the end. It evolves into beliefs.
Nolan was proud of everything he had, and surprisingly so of everything else he didn’t. He had moved on from being afraid to being proud in a single go. He had missed everything in between. He was never going to be envious of anyone for not having a certain thing (material or immaterial), but just proud, right away. He was better only when he was bitter. Was it any good? Of course, he had lived his life without regret, without repent until this day. So what changed? Why was he now reflecting on his way of life?
The truth is that even if used in its most right forms, your brightest asset often turns out to be your greatest liability. It’s because it’s most dear to you, precious, and hence makes you vulnerable. It indeed becomes the fuel that drives the soul into action, but also the firewood that burns it in hell. The only escape then, is acceptance of the seemingly obvious facts, facts that see everything for just what it is, not feeling proud or envious or insecure or anything else for that matter.
But at this day Nolan was faced with a greater question. In time he knew, that he would grow out of his cursed blessing. But right then, he was looking his daughter Fiona in her eyes who had the same questions, same complaints, and same disappointments as he once did. She was faced with the same fears of not belonging in the normal world. What was he to do then? Bless her and curse her simultaneously, or just let her be? Or try something new on her? What if that something was still worse?
He was weak, and was weakened by Fiona. He was exhausted, out of strength. In such moments of weakness, human brain hardly ever functions consciously. He too was overtaken by a desire to regain control, to feel proud once again, to reclaim his world, to rise to the top of this situation.
It is something to face your fears and totally different to help someone else overcome theirs. While one can change your life, the other makes you feel responsible and again proud for something greater. He called out to Fiona and after a pause exclaimed, “You should be proud to have what you have, and prouder to be living without that you don’t”.
Nolan had passed on his twisted wisdom, his legacy of pride, a life without regrets. This would be his first regret since that day on the cliff, the first blot of ink on a perfectly white life that would now be lived in shades of grey.
Nolan wasn’t any different, but for one too many reasons he remembered this day, the lesson, and also the reason behind it. He had never been too big on looking back. He wanted to carry this day with him, so it could hold him slow every time he would wish to run away. Past not left behind isn’t past anymore. It becomes a part of you. He wanted this day to be a part of him.
He ran up the cliff, he would not normally like to step a foot on. He ran up that cliff in less than half the time it would normally take him. The top of the cliff was a flat area of probably a couple of square meters, but he needed to stand taller than anything around him, taller than anyone around him. He found a grey brick, with its corners chipped off so assertively that it could hardly be called a brick anymore. He placed it close to the centre, and stood there for a few minutes.
He just stood there, not saying anything, not listening to anyone, just looking down on everything around him. Right then he owned the world. The world was his, and he was the king. He had remembered the words rightly, just how they were spoken. He played them in his mind and then repeated them, “Proud to have what I have, prouder to be living without that I don’t.”
Casper Jones, Nolan’s father had imparted a twisted wisdom down the blood line. A legacy was to follow from this half-truth. Evolution never did anyone any harm, but then changes of extreme measures couldn’t do any good either. Nolan had travelled a journey of days, months, probably years within minutes. This was one of those feelings that stay with you till the end. It evolves into beliefs.
Nolan was proud of everything he had, and surprisingly so of everything else he didn’t. He had moved on from being afraid to being proud in a single go. He had missed everything in between. He was never going to be envious of anyone for not having a certain thing (material or immaterial), but just proud, right away. He was better only when he was bitter. Was it any good? Of course, he had lived his life without regret, without repent until this day. So what changed? Why was he now reflecting on his way of life?
The truth is that even if used in its most right forms, your brightest asset often turns out to be your greatest liability. It’s because it’s most dear to you, precious, and hence makes you vulnerable. It indeed becomes the fuel that drives the soul into action, but also the firewood that burns it in hell. The only escape then, is acceptance of the seemingly obvious facts, facts that see everything for just what it is, not feeling proud or envious or insecure or anything else for that matter.
But at this day Nolan was faced with a greater question. In time he knew, that he would grow out of his cursed blessing. But right then, he was looking his daughter Fiona in her eyes who had the same questions, same complaints, and same disappointments as he once did. She was faced with the same fears of not belonging in the normal world. What was he to do then? Bless her and curse her simultaneously, or just let her be? Or try something new on her? What if that something was still worse?
He was weak, and was weakened by Fiona. He was exhausted, out of strength. In such moments of weakness, human brain hardly ever functions consciously. He too was overtaken by a desire to regain control, to feel proud once again, to reclaim his world, to rise to the top of this situation.
It is something to face your fears and totally different to help someone else overcome theirs. While one can change your life, the other makes you feel responsible and again proud for something greater. He called out to Fiona and after a pause exclaimed, “You should be proud to have what you have, and prouder to be living without that you don’t”.
Nolan had passed on his twisted wisdom, his legacy of pride, a life without regrets. This would be his first regret since that day on the cliff, the first blot of ink on a perfectly white life that would now be lived in shades of grey.
